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November 5, 2026

How to Deal With Stress: 3 Common Causes and 2 Ways to Take Control

Do you want to know what stress is, what's causing it, and the best ways to deal with it?

Stress affects nearly everyone. Business owners deal with demanding clients. Employees face deadlines and expectations. Parents juggle competing responsibilities. And sometimes, something as ordinary as sitting in traffic is enough to ruin an otherwise perfectly good day.

But here's something important:

Before you can effectively deal with stress, you need to understand what's causing it.

In this video, I'm going to explain three common sources of stress—frustration, conflict, and pressure—and two practical ways to respond when life doesn't go according to plan.

You'll also hear how a few miserable drives along Interstate 95 taught me an important lesson about managing stress.

What Causes Stress?

Stress isn't always caused by dramatic events or serious problems.

Sometimes it's the frustration of trying to accomplish something and encountering an obstacle. Sometimes it's the discomfort of making a difficult decision. And sometimes it's the pressure of having too much to accomplish in too little time.

While stress can have many causes, understanding these three common situations can help you recognise what you're experiencing and choose a more effective response.

1. Frustration: When Something Blocks Your Goals

Frustration occurs when something interferes with a goal you're trying to achieve.

Imagine you're driving to an important appointment. Everything is going according to plan until you suddenly encounter bumper-to-bumper traffic.

You know where you want to go.

You know what you need to accomplish.

But something is standing in your way.

That's frustration.

The same thing happens in business.

You spend weeks preparing a marketing campaign, only to discover that an advertising platform has changed a feature you depend on.

Or perhaps you're trying to complete an important project, but unexpected problems repeatedly interrupt your progress.

The problem isn't necessarily the difficulty of the task itself. It's the obstruction between you and your objective.

Frustration becomes especially stressful when you believe you should be making progress but feel powerless to move forward.

The lesson: When frustration strikes, identify the obstacle. Then determine whether you can remove it, work around it, or adjust your expectations.

2. Conflict: When You're Torn Between Competing Choices

The second common cause of stress is conflict.

Conflict occurs when you're faced with competing choices, desires, or responsibilities.

These choices can involve:

• Two things you want.
• Two things you'd prefer to avoid.
• Something you want right now versus something you know is important.

Here's a simple example.

Your alarm goes off early in the morning.

You know you should get out of bed and go to the gym.

But that pillow feels unbelievably soft. The blanket is warm. And another hour of sleep sounds wonderful.

Now you have a conflict.

One part of you wants the immediate comfort of staying in bed.

Another part wants the long-term benefits of maintaining your exercise routine.

Both desires are competing for your attention.

That internal struggle can create stress—even before you've made a decision.

And this same principle applies to far more consequential situations.

Should you accept a better-paying job that requires spending less time with your family?

Should you invest more money into your business or preserve your savings?

Should you confront someone about a problem or let the situation go?

The more important the competing choices, the more stressful the decision can become.

The lesson: Identify the competing priorities. Evaluate the consequences of each option, make a deliberate decision, and avoid endlessly revisiting choices you can no longer change.

3. Pressure: When Time and Expectations Work Against You

The third common cause of stress is pressure.

Pressure frequently comes from two sources:

Time constraints and expectations.

Time pressure appears whenever you believe you have more to accomplish than your available time allows.

Maybe you have a presentation tomorrow.

Maybe an important project is due in two hours.

Or maybe you have a dozen responsibilities competing for the same afternoon.

Then there are expectations.

Some expectations come from other people: your boss, your customers, your spouse, or your family.

Others come from yourself.

Perhaps you expect to build an extraordinarily successful business, maintain excellent physical health, and perform at your highest level every day.

High expectations can motivate you to accomplish remarkable things.

But when expectations exceed your available resources or capabilities, they can also become a significant source of stress.

Consider a parent telling a child:

"Timmy, finish those peas. You have two minutes."

Now Timmy has both an expectation and a deadline.

That's pressure.

And adults experience versions of that same situation constantly.

The lesson: Separate genuine deadlines from self-imposed urgency. Prioritise what matters, set realistic expectations, and give your attention to the next action you can control.

How to Deal With Stress: Two Practical Strategies

Now that we understand frustration, conflict, and pressure, here's the important question:

What do we actually do about them?

There are two useful approaches that I discuss in the video.

You can step away from the stressful situation when circumstances allow.

Or you can change how you respond to the situation when you cannot immediately change the circumstances.

Let me give you a personal example.

Strategy 1: Withdraw From the Stressful Situation

Years ago, when I was getting out of the Army, I regularly drove between North Carolina and Philadelphia.

That meant spending a considerable amount of time on Interstate 95.

And if you've ever traveled that highway, you know exactly how frustrating it can become.

Sometimes traffic would be so bad that the interstate essentially turned into an enormous parking lot.

Cars weren't moving.

Drivers were getting irritated.

And the trip was taking considerably longer than I expected.

But then I would ask myself a simple question:

Do I actually have to get there tonight?

Sometimes the answer was no.

So instead of spending hours becoming increasingly frustrated, I'd get off the highway, find a hotel, eat a hoagie, watch a movie, and get some sleep.

Then I'd wake up the following morning and continue my journey.

The traffic hadn't magically disappeared.

But I had removed myself from a situation I didn't need to endure at that particular moment.

That's an example of strategic withdrawal.

Stepping away isn't necessarily surrendering. Sometimes it's simply making a better decision about where to spend your time and energy.

Of course, withdrawal isn't always practical. Some problems require immediate attention, and repeatedly avoiding important responsibilities can create additional stress.

That's where the second strategy becomes useful.

Strategy 2: Change How You Respond to the Situation

Other times, I'd stay on Interstate 95.

The traffic was still terrible.

The cars were still moving at a ridiculous pace.

But instead of allowing the situation to dictate my emotional state, I'd do something different.

I'd put on Dane Cook.

He was my favorite comedian at the time, and I'd spend the drive laughing.

I can only imagine what some of the other drivers were thinking.

"What is this idiot so happy about? We're not going anywhere!"

But here's the point.

The traffic hadn't changed.

My destination hadn't changed.

And I couldn't control how quickly the vehicles ahead of me were moving.

What I could change was how I experienced the situation.

Instead of constantly focusing on something outside my control, I redirected my attention toward something enjoyable.

This didn't make the traffic disappear, but it made the experience considerably less frustrating.

And you can apply that same principle to many situations in everyday life.

When a deadline approaches, focus on the next useful task instead of repeatedly worrying about how little time remains.

When an unexpected obstacle appears, look for alternative solutions rather than dwelling on what should have happened.

When you encounter something you cannot control, consider whether changing your perspective or directing your attention elsewhere might help you respond more effectively.

You don't always need to change your circumstances to improve how you feel about them.

Sometimes you need to change your response.

How to Start Managing Stress More Effectively Today

The next time you find yourself feeling stressed, ask yourself three questions.

First: What's actually causing this stress?

Is something blocking a goal? Are you struggling between competing choices? Or are time constraints and expectations creating pressure?

Second: Can I change the situation?

If there's a practical action you can take, identify it.

If the situation is unnecessary and you can safely step away, consider doing so.

Third: If I cannot change the situation, can I change my response?

You may not control other people's behavior, unexpected delays, or every obstacle that appears in your life.

But you can often influence how you interpret those experiences and what you choose to do next.

You don't have to handle every difficult situation perfectly.

The objective is to become more deliberate and effective in how you respond.

Final Thoughts: Take Control of Your Response to Stress

Stress is part of life.

You're going to experience frustration.

You're going to face difficult choices.

And you're going to encounter deadlines and expectations.

The objective isn't to create a life where nothing ever goes wrong.

It's to become better at handling the situations that inevitably will.

Remember these three common sources of stress:

Frustration. Conflict. Pressure.

And remember the two approaches:

Step away when appropriate, or adapt your response when you need to stay.

Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is find a hotel room, enjoy a hoagie, and try again tomorrow.

Other times, you just need a good comedian.

The situation may not be entirely under your control. Your next response often is.

Watch the Video: How to Deal With Stress

In this video, I explain three common causes of stress, share my experiences driving between North Carolina and Philadelphia while leaving the military, and show you two practical strategies for responding to stressful situations.

For more lessons on psychology, discipline, confidence, intelligence, and personal development, subscribe to my YouTube channel.

Don't let every obstacle determine the quality of your day. Learn to respond deliberately.

To your success!